Review: '10,000 B.C.' Sinks From Own Weight
CG Wooly Mammoths, Other Creatures Only Bright Spot
POSTED: Friday, March 7, 2008
  Warner Bros. Image Steven Strait in "10,000 BC" |
'10,000 B.C.' (PG-13)
(out of four)With dreadlocks as thick as Bob Marley and teeth whiter than Ryan Seacrest's, a hunky prehistoric hunter travels through jungle, desert and whatever other rough terrain he can encounter to rescue his blue-eyed cavewoman."10,000 B.C." pleads with moviegoers to go along on its prehistoric ride, but there are so many signals that the movie is pure Hollywood it's difficult to get caught up in the story. In fact, the only bright spot (and too bad there wasn't more of it) are some very cool CG wooly mammoths, raptors, and a giant saber-toothed tiger.But when the movie has to rely on its actors for action, it falls with a thud. Director Roland Emmerich will go down in movie history for his jaw-dropping "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Independence Day," but not for his latest prehistoric disaster.In voiceover, Omar Sharif opens the film, spouting off some story that's hard to follow about a soothsayer named "Old Mother," a cowardly hunter, and a man destined to save his people. The tribe that moviegoers are forced to follow on their lame trek speak an odd sort of English, and all had the same wigmaster to produce some serious unruly dreads. Even "The Child With the Blue Eyes" has unfortunate hairstyling.The reason you'll pay attention to all of this minutae is because there is no story to speak of to hold you captive for 109 minutes, which seems likes centuries.When the film opens D'Leh (played blandly by Steven Strait) is trying to overcome being taunted by a group of boys who are calling his father a deserter.When a group of marauders swoop in on horseback -- even though horses ran wild and weren’t domesticated until at least 4,000 B.C. -- and steal D'Leh's lady love, he gathers some willing tribesman, and they head out to track the bad guys.There are all kinds of incidents that ensue, most notably the landing at a pagan city where a large pyramid is being built. All hell breaks loose after that, or so the filmmakers would like you to think, but it's all spear fighting and recycled gladiator scenes.For my money, I'd rather watch a re-airing of Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto."
(out of four)With dreadlocks as thick as Bob Marley and teeth whiter than Ryan Seacrest's, a hunky prehistoric hunter travels through jungle, desert and whatever other rough terrain he can encounter to rescue his blue-eyed cavewoman."10,000 B.C." pleads with moviegoers to go along on its prehistoric ride, but there are so many signals that the movie is pure Hollywood it's difficult to get caught up in the story. In fact, the only bright spot (and too bad there wasn't more of it) are some very cool CG wooly mammoths, raptors, and a giant saber-toothed tiger.But when the movie has to rely on its actors for action, it falls with a thud. Director Roland Emmerich will go down in movie history for his jaw-dropping "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Independence Day," but not for his latest prehistoric disaster.In voiceover, Omar Sharif opens the film, spouting off some story that's hard to follow about a soothsayer named "Old Mother," a cowardly hunter, and a man destined to save his people. The tribe that moviegoers are forced to follow on their lame trek speak an odd sort of English, and all had the same wigmaster to produce some serious unruly dreads. Even "The Child With the Blue Eyes" has unfortunate hairstyling.The reason you'll pay attention to all of this minutae is because there is no story to speak of to hold you captive for 109 minutes, which seems likes centuries.When the film opens D'Leh (played blandly by Steven Strait) is trying to overcome being taunted by a group of boys who are calling his father a deserter.When a group of marauders swoop in on horseback -- even though horses ran wild and weren’t domesticated until at least 4,000 B.C. -- and steal D'Leh's lady love, he gathers some willing tribesman, and they head out to track the bad guys.There are all kinds of incidents that ensue, most notably the landing at a pagan city where a large pyramid is being built. All hell breaks loose after that, or so the filmmakers would like you to think, but it's all spear fighting and recycled gladiator scenes.For my money, I'd rather watch a re-airing of Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto." Distributed by Internet Broadcasting. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
10,000 BC
 Video: Preview: '10,000 B.C.' Video: Clip: 'Mammoth Hunt'Video: Clip: 'Let Me Go'Video: Clip: 'Run!'Video: Clip: 'Pyramid Battle'@ THE MOVIES |
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